Forever Family

As I hang up with the social worker, I’m feeling so confused and full of angst.  I wonder if I can really get involved in this again.

It would seem that birthmom has requested some pictures of our Kiddo.

Sounds like a fairly harmless request, right?  Well, that’s what I was trying to figure out.  I suppose I can understand why she might want pictures.  Her biggest fear was always that Kiddo would have a miserable life in foster care, and perhaps she wants some reassurance that he’s healthy and happy.

My initial reaction is that it can’t really hurt.

But then I start to worry.  What if we’re just opening a can of worms?  What if the thing I’m hoping will give her closure and help her move on, really just opens old wounds and makes things worse?  Clearly she’s still struggling with some issues, otherwise she wouldn’t have lost custody of this second child.  She’s not healthy yet…physically, mentally, or spiritually.

Hubby and I have worked very hard to ensure a happy and safe environment for our kiddo.  We’ve made some major life changes and gone great distances to do so.  Would sending a picture jeopardize it?

Hubby and I discuss that night.  He has the same initial thoughts I did, and his ultimate inclination is to not send anything.  It’s not worth the risk.

At first, I agree.  But then, I’m fairly convinced that birthmom and I connected on some level he can’t understand.  I really feel like she liked and trusted us, as much as she could considering the situation.  She knows Kiddo is in a great place.  I don’t think she is asking for the sake of reassurance, and I don’t think social services would contact us for that reason.

Ok, so if I rule that out, what does that leave me with?

Well, maybe she really is just curious and a little nostalgic.  I can’t blame her, and I’m sure a new baby would definitely bring up old memories, but I don’t think social services would play along.

Then, after a long sleepless night, my exhausted brain starts taking me down dangerous paths.  After all, she wanted to relinquish custody to us the first time…maybe she wants to again.

Could it be a crafty way to pull us in?  For all her faults, I never doubted that she always wanted what was best for Kiddo.  I would be willing to bet she’s feeling the same way about the new baby.  Maybe she wants them together.

But then there’s these paternal relatives.  From what I gathered, it sounds like there is some strife between her, the birthdad and his family.  Maybe she’s just trying to manipulate the situation and exert some sort of control.  I don’t want to be a pawn.  Pawns rarely win the game, and I don’t have the energy.

Then was the social worker reaction when I told her we would absolutely take the child.  Her mood changed and she said she was “grateful” to hear that.  Why would she say that?  Could it be that she knows some kind of alternative permanency plan was needed for this child, and ultimately we could adopt?

Here’s part of the problem.  Once our adoption was finalized with Kiddo, we moved out of state.  It was a good decision, and our life has been better for it on several levels.  However, we knew that by doing so, we would complicate the situation if there was to be any other children.  Being so far away, we could never foster a child of hers that she or birthdad were entitled to visit.  We would have to wait until parental rights were terminated.  That can take a year or more after a child has been removed.  That’s a lot of time to miss.

So no matter what, the baby could not be given to us until parental rights are terminated.  The social worker indicated to me that they were still several months away from that happening.

After a couple of days of willing myself to not obsess on this new baby, I had another talk with my Hubby.

I told him I thought we should send a picture.