Jan 03 2009
Why Do Kids End Up in DFACS?
Alright, so I know I had excuses yesterday for being brain dead after a hard day at work, but I’m going to play the brain dead card again. I just spent 3 hours at Chuck E Cheese, for crying out loud. That’s enough to wipe out anybody! However, I can’t complain too much. Kiddo fell asleep in the car in no less than 3 minutes, and it’s a quiet Saturday night at home. THAT feels good. I’m entertaining the idea of taking a bath!
Before I indulge in the rare luxury of quiet time to myself, I wanted to take some time to describe the kinds of kids in DFACS. I think people largely believe these kids are “broken,” and that is absolutely not the case.
First, there are different types of cases being handled by DFACS. Some kids are only in DFACS temporarily, and their biological parents or extended family will most definitely regain custody of them.
Ok, I need to back up again. I need to point out that the law is designed to support and unite biological families. DFACS was created to do whatever it can to keep these families together. Technically, adoption by a non-relative is kind of a failure. This can be frustrating, but it does make some sense (which you will see later). Just need to explain that now.
Ok, so back to my previous topic. Most kids in DFACS are temps and are in foster care for only a short time until they are reunited with their parents or a biological relative takes them. Kids end up in DFACS foster care for a variety of reasons, and bio parents are ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS given treatment plans, assistance, guidelines, etc to prepare them for reunification.
As the social workers, lawyers, and judges working with DFACS handle thousands of kids each year, they are pretty good at predicting which kids will be reunited and which ones probably won’t. Often it’s the extended bio families that are the unknown and unpredictable.
So I’m sure if you’ve even casually paid attention to the news, you’ve heard stories about parents abusing their kids. Sure, some kids are in DFACS for physical abuse. Some kids have been sexually abused. To me, these are the toughest cases to hear about. I can’t even begin to fathom why someone would harm a child in this way.
Some kids are in DFACS because they have been neglected. In many of these cases, drugs are involved. You’ll hear stories about guardians who are too high to be competent parents. Lots of kids are taken from meth labs by social workers in full environmental protection gear. We heard a story at our info meeting about a little boy taken from a meth lab who acted like a dog. He had been neglected by his parents, and only had the dog as a companion. He would only eat if his food was placed in a bowl on the floor. It was disturbing.
Then there are the kids that are abandoned. These are largely infants and young kids. You hear stories in the news about the “safe haven” laws in many states. If a child is abandoned at a hospital or other safe house, DFACS takes over.
The common denominator here is that in most cases, DFACS is intervening in family business, and it’s generally not because things are going well.
Sounds scary, doesn’t it? Kids from badly broken homes, abused or neglected, and most definitely going to come with tons of emotional baggage.
Yes, that may be true. No one said this was going to be easy. But do you REALLY know what you’re getting into with a foriegn or domestic adoption? Do you think adopting a kid from an orphanage in another country isn’t going to know a little something about abuse or neglect? Or you may be in the delivery room while your soon to be adopted child is born, but do you really know if that mother has or has not been drug free during her pregnancy, or even keeping up with her prenatal care?
Kids are amazing. With a little love, there is almost nothing that can’t be overcome. There will be challenges and some days you’re going to wonder what the hell you were thinking. But then, there’s that moment, when it is all worth while. That first kiss, hug, smile, or “I love you.” But isn’t all parenting a challenge, whether your child is a biological member of your family or not??? Are the kids in DFACS any more messed up than “normal” kids?? Certainly not! Give them a chance. They aren’t broken and are well worth saving.
I am interested in adopting a chidl that has been lleft at a “safe haven” or a child form DFACS where do I start. I do not want to be a foster mom.
Well, the easiest place to start is to contact your county’s DFACS office. Most of them have websites, which is a great place to start. That give you the flexibility to check things out a little before having an actual conversation with someone.
I would recommend checking out some sites like adoption.com. There is a wealth of info on there, too.
Unless you want to adopt a child that has been legally freed for adoption, you may have to be a “foster parent.” It’s important to understand that there are different definitions for that. You don’t have to be a traditional foster parent, but it’s the term DFACS uses to identify most of their parents. You may be a foster-to-adopt parent (also called legal risk in some states). This means you are a foster parent to a child in your custody, but your intention is to ultimately adopt that child as soon as you can. Usually this means waiting for the legal wheels to turn.
I’m glad you mentioned the safe haven law, because it’s something I was planning to touch on in a future post. Children abandoned to DFACS under the safe haven law are not necessarily freed for adoption at that time. In fact, adopting these kids is sometimes more complicated than adopting other children. It’s all part of the effort the state makes to reunify bio families whenever possible. The legal process on safe haven kids takes a longer time to sort out, even though the outcome is usually a little more guaranteed.