Forever Family

Sunday nights are such a drag.  Today is especially so, because we put all the Christmas decorations away.  I don’t know why I dread that so much.  It’s just depressing.  It’s January, and now there’s not really anything to look forward to for a long time.  

Well, this year is a little different.  I shouldn’t complain; I have more to look forward to than usual.  Next weekend we take Kiddo to my parents for a late mini-Christmas celebration with my sister and her kids.  That will be fun.  We haven’t seen them since summer.  Then, Hubby and I have committed to do a real vacation this year.  Get this…we have been together for like 13 years, and we have NEVER gone on vacation.  We go places, but always it’s to see family.  Not that seeing family isn’t fun, but it doesn’t qualify as vacation time, especially when we get to go to fun exotic places like Iowa and Texas (no offense to either, but not exactly my idea of destination location).  So we’ve promised ourselves that this will be the year, and likely before summer.  That is something fun to look forward to!

Ok, so a post or two ago, I mentioned I would write a little something about the process to become a licensed foster parent.  I want to just begin with a disclaimer.  Our experience is likely to be a little different from anyone else’s.  Laws and policies are different state by state, and even county by county.  If you’re interested, you should definitely contact your local DFACS to get more info on the process.  

I think it’s also important to note that there is an application, training, and approval process for almost any type of adoption.  This makes sense.  They aren’t going to just place kids with anybody.  You have to prove you’re of sound mind and body, not a criminal deviant, and capable of the monumental task of child rearing.  With DFACS, generally it’s called a “license” because there is upkeep involved.  It’s all fine and dandy once you are initially approved, but you have to keep that license active.  Usually that involves more training credits, keeping your CPR/first aid certification up to date, etc.  That’s only if you remain an active foster parent.  In our case, once we finalized our son’s adoption, we were no longer foster parents, but his legal guardians.  We were no longer required to keep our license active.  

As I mentioned before, we went to an informational meeting, and signed up then and there.  Within a couple of weeks, DFACS mailed us a large packet with lots of info and an application.  The application was not too bad, and pretty much what I would expect.  There was the standard info, like you are applying for a job.  But then there are a series of questions some people may find odd, or even a little offensive.  They aren’t looking to discriminate against anyone, but just to get as much info as possible to make sure when it comes time to match you with a child, they do the best job they can.  There are going to be questions about your personal beliefs, how you were raised, how you and your significant other get along, where you agree and where you don’t, etc.  If you have issues answering the questions on the application and feel a little too strongly about being “probed,” well maybe you should stop right here.  The application is nothing compared to the home study process.  If you can’t handle a form, you aren’t going to like a stranger asking you even more personal questions and making judgements.

We quickly filled out our application and went in for fingerprints.  That was a hoot!  We even had to go to the jail in our city to get it done!  In our particular state, there was a nominal fee for the fingerprints (I think it was $20 for each of us), but that was our only expense thus far.

We mailed in our application and fingerprints, and waited for the phone to ring.

I think we heard back from DFACS less than 2 weeks later.  I mean they’ll give you some shpeel about being overworked and understaffed, and may take 6-8 weeks to get an answer back, but they really are very desperate for good homes, so they reel in live ones whenever they can!  I received a phone call at work, and we had been approved!!!  Woohoo!  Now the real fun begins!

We had to complete a series of training sessions and fulfill some extra training credits.  If I recall correctly, I believe we had 3 full day training sessions and 1 half day.  They were spread out over the course of about 6 weeks.  The cool thing about those classes was that you did them with the same group each time, at the same stage of the process as you.  It was great to have that support, and we ended up buddying up with another couple.  It was also interesting to me the different kinds of people at the sessions.  As we were first time parents, we were looking to adopt an infant, but surprisingly, we were the minority.  We thought everyone wanted babies.  There was maybe 20 couples in our training, and only 3 of us were for infants.  The rest made up a mix of wanting an older kid they had not identified yet, or adopting a biological family member, or adopting a child they had already identified.  There was only 1 couple there that adoption was not their final goal.  They were purely interested in fostering.  See what I mean??? They are DESPERATE!!

The training is primarily to educate you on what to expect from these kids.  We talked about babies born exposed to various legal and illegal substances, like drugs and alcohol.  We talked about abuse and what to expect for that.  We spent an entire morning talking about kids abused sexually.  That was the toughest, and we knew it would be hard when we walked in and the kindly social workers had strategically placed a tissue box on each table.

The outside training credits you need to acquire a license are left to you to choose from a list.  There are a variety of online courses you can take for credit, or you can attend some supplemental training sessions at the DFACS office.  Another option was to read a relevant adoption book and write up a report, or to attend a monthly support group meeting.  We liked the support group option, and we had already read several books on adoption, so we just typed up some reports on those.  The extra credits were easy.

Once we finished the training, that’s when DFACS set us up for a home study.  In our county, they contracted with an unaffiliated outside company to conduct those studies.  I think of all the steps in the process, the home study was my least favorite.  A social worker was assigned to us, and she made 2 visits to our house.  She interviewed us together, then separately, then together again.  It was the separate interviews I really found interesting.  This is where she will play you against each other and seek out holes to your story.  They are going to ask you questions that the right answer is obvious.  For example, they will ask you “do you drink?”  Well, of course we know they want to hear no.  But they also know that everyone tells them no, but lots of times the answer is yes (to varying degrees).  She will ask you tricky questions about your significant other and compare stories, looking for any lies or holes.  I kinda felt like a suspect on Law & Order, being questioned by Detective Briscoe and getting all confounded.  

The home study is a HUGE step.  Once it was done, we were sent a report of the social workers findings.  It really is, well, I suppose interesting is the word, to read what a total stranger thinks about you.  Some things will be right on target, and some will be WAY off base.  When we read ours, we panicked a little.  We worried that we were nut jobs and we didn’t even know it, and there was no way we were going to be trusted with a kid.

Fortunately, our fear was unfounded (remember what I said…they are DESPERATE ).  Less than a week later, we were put in contact with our own personal social worker who would be representing us through the rest of our journey and conducting our home inspection.

At our home inspection, we would have to provide proof of CPR and first aid certification.  We were certified in both with the Red Cross in a long all day Saturday session.  DFACS covered the cost of it.

Ahhhhh…the dreaded home inspection.  I was worried about that since day one.  See, were living in a very old and non-traditional house at the time.  The house was almost a cottage, and absolutely cute and adorable…for an adult couple.  It wasn’t exactly kid friendly.  It may have been quaint, but there was only 1 bedroom on the main floor, and the others were in the basement with no second exit.  The stairs were narrow and steep, and the house was built in the early 1900’s, so lead paint could be a problem.  I was REALLY worried about the bedroom thing.  We had a plan to convert part of some unused space into a 2nd bedroom on the main floor, but we were a year away from carrying that out.  Since we wanted an infant, I figured the crib would be in our room anyway for about that long, and I was hoping DFACS would agree.  

We also had to have a super duper fire extinguisher (that was nearly impossible to find), a battery of smoke and carbon monoxide detectors, a well stocked first aid kit, and able to demonstrate that we had baby necessities like car seats and a crib.  They did not have to be installed, but we just had to show that we had them.  

So our social worker comes out for the inspection, and she notices the bedroom arrangement.  There were windows in our basement, but they were a little too high off the floor to meet the modern requirement for easement.  She looked at the windows and asked “could you exit out of one of those windows?”  I smiled sweetly and replied “sure you could, if you needed to.”  She nodded and moved on.  I let out a huge sigh of relief.

Everything else about the house she loved, including our enormous yard and extremely cute quaintness.  We passed!

Our status as licensed foster parents had been confirmed!  It took us about 6 months.  After the home study was completed, things started happening very quickly.  We were matched to an infant before our home inspection was even done, but that’s a post for another day!

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