Jan 13 2009
The Responsibilities of Fostering
Kitty cat wants attention. Bad. He’s perched on one leg and my laptop on the other. I didn’t know I was this good at balancing things! Clearly he’s feeling neglected after our trip, and is looking at me with that special look of disgust that only cats do so well. Cats have never been my favorite. I’m more of a dog person. Hubby is the cat person in our family. Kiddo seems to be following in Daddy’s footsteps, as he announced on our way home today that he requires 2 kittys. Oh joy.
So sticking to my resolution to write about what I should be writing about, I thought I would talk more about what to expect as a foster parent. I have to remind you yet again that this experience was ours, and will differ depending on the infinite variables that might factor into yours.
Most likely you’ll be thinking that after everything you’ve been through up until this point (once the kiddo is home), now comes the easy part. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. I can promise you that whatever challenges you have been through up until this point will PALE next to what you’ve got coming. Remember, fostering ain’t for pansies.
You might take custody of a child who has been in foster care for some time and is being transferred from another foster home or facility, or you might get a child who has just been removed from his bio home. Regardless, chances are pretty good that there is still some amount of bio family involvement.
Remember what I said that the court is going to exhaust as many avenues as possible to reunite the child with a member of the bio family. This isn’t just the parents, but includes grandparents, aunts, uncles, or possibly even other foster/adopt parents that may have already adopted a sibling. You may take a child into your care, but DFACS is working hard at contacting every possible biological option. This is where it’s important to keep communication going between you and your social workers. They are busy people and sometimes “forget” to tell you something vital.
DFACS will trust you with the care of this child, but technically they are still in custody of the child. They are going to want regular status reports and updates on the child’s care and progress. In our case, the social worker came to our house for a home visit every month. These usually lasted about 30 minutes. She set these up with us ahead of time, but we were told that a surprise visit would be possible. She would talk with us to discuss anything that may have happened in the previous month, like illnesses or milestones that may have been reached. She would lightly examine our kiddo to make sure he looked healthy, and she would walk around the house to make sure everything appeared safe. These visits always made us nervous, but were always fairly painless. I started to look forward to them, because this was the best time to get a chance to discuss Kiddo’s case with his social worker. Reaching her by phone was always a challenge.
Until our adoption was finalized, all of Kiddo’s medical information was automatically forwarded to DFACS. If we took him in for a check-up or to urgent care for a mild fever, DFACS was kept in the loop. This never became a problem for us, but a good thing to keep in mind.
Our kiddo was in physical therapy and speech therapy when he came into our care. His therapists also kept DFACS in the loop on his progress. These status reports are vital at court dates.
Depending on the involvement of members of the bio family, there will likely be visitation dates you need to bring the child to. Let’s just say I HATED these. In our case, Kiddo’s bio parents had a joint visit for 1 hour per week, and his bio grandfather had 3 hours every month. It was my responsiblity to make sure I had Kiddo at the DFACS office at the agreed upon time, and was there to pick him up after they were over. His visits with his bio parents were in the mid morning. The social workers asked that I bring Kiddo in hungry and awake. They wanted the bio parents to have the opportunity to feed and care for Kiddo, as he was an infant and other means of bonding are limited. I think they hoped this would also promote some maternal or paternal instincts in the parents to try to convince them to get it together. I would always travel with supplies like diapers and formula, but I was not to send any in with him. It was bio parents’ responsiblity to bring the necessary items to care for Kiddo.
This was, well, interesting. Most of the time they forgot, so a worker usually came running out to get something they needed from me. When they did remember, the diapers were too small, or the formula they gave him made him sick.
I should note that the visits with his bio parents were always supervised and always at the DFACS building. The visits with his bio grandfather were unsupervised and he was allowed to take Kiddo off site where ever he wanted, so long as Kiddo was back at the agreed upon time.
In our case, the agreed upon guideline for the visits was 3 strikes you’re out…meaning that if the bio parents missed 3 visits, the visitations would be cancelled.
It is not easy to pull up to DFACS, park, and wait for a worker to come out of the building to retrieve Kiddo. Most of the time I would bring a book and just sit in the car and wait. I just couldn’t bear to be too far away, in case something happened. One time they brought him out early because the worker thought she saw lice on bio dad. Another time he came out dressed in something different than what I sent him in, but stinking of cigarettes. Yet another time he came out wearing a dirty and oversized hat. I would smile with great strain at the worker, click that carrier in as fast as possible, and drive away as quickly as I dared.
That’s enough reminisincing on the hard part for today. Love Actually is on right now, and I’m getting a little distracted. This really is a good movie, with almost all of my favorite actors and actresses. Good night for now, and more to come.
