Forever Family

I know what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking “if she even opens this post with a Celine Dion quote, I’m outta here.”

No worries.  I won’t get THAT song stuck in your head.

No, the subject of today’s post is how the matching process works.  It’s the Super Secret Recipe on How to Make a Family.  Contrary to popular belief, there is a science to it.  It’s not just names thrown into a hat.

*insert boring caveat here.  This was our experience in our state/county.  Check with your local office for more info.

Remember about the initial application I told you about?  There will be questions about your marital status, religion, family, beliefs, upbringing, etc.  There will also be several questions about the awkward race topic.  I say awkward, because they are going to want to know honestly about your own ethnicity and your feelings about raising a child of a different ethnicity than your own.  It is important to be HONEST and not politically correct.  There is a difference!  The reason is not to judge you, but to make sure your prepared for a future match.  But I’m jumping ahead.

Back to the application.  That is what starts the whole match formula.

Many of those same questions are also going to come up in the home study.  The worker conducting your home study is also trained to get to the honest answers to some tricky questions, in the event that you took the politically correct route when answering the questionnaire.  

Ok, so I am sorta dancing around the issue at hand.  Bottom line is DFACS is going to want to know if you are interested and equipped to foster a minority child.  In our particular location, there were more Hispanic children in the DFACS system than any other ethnicity.  It just varies, and usually mimics the racial makeup of your location.  

I really urge you to be honest with yourself and your workers.  Raising a child of ANY ethnic group that differs from your own takes a little extra work.  Any child, even a foster kid, has a right to know, understand, and be proud of their heritage.  Raising a Hispanic or African-American child in a Caucasian household with NO exposure to their heritage is a crime.  If you don’t think you’re equipped to expose them to their heritage, THAN SAY SO.  It’s not being discriminatory or “racist.”   

Wow…ok I digress BIG TIME. DFACS is going to want to know what age range you’re looking for, if you’re have a preference for a boy or a girl, what sort of health issues are you prepared to deal with, and how much “legal risk” you can handle (if you’re hoping to adopt).  They are also going to want to know if you would be interested in a sibling group.  Sibling groups are usually considered “special needs,” because a group is usually harder to place and adopt as a unit.  DFACS really does try to keep them together.  If you’re willing to open your home to a sibling group, you can usually get more subsidy assistance, even after the adoption is finalized.  

During your license process, DFACS is also going to make observations about you that will factor into the matching process.  You may state that you would take a sibling group, but are you really prepared?  Logistically, can your home and lifestyle absorb multiple children at once?  You may be ok with bringing in a teenager, but are you really up for the challenges?  You may think you’d be doing a sexually abused child a huge service by bringing them into your home, but if you’re a family who does a lot of hugging and other typically harmless physical contact, DFACS will probably not place a sexually abused kid in your home.  

It really is strange to feel like you’re under a microscope through this whole process.  I mentioned earlier how uncomfortable the home study can be, but even during our training classes I felt like notes were being taken on us all the time.  I tend to be a little outspoken, and I started out in the classes asking lots of questions, making observations to the group, and even cracking a few jokes.  I figured out in a hurry that this was all being quietly observed and noted as DFACS tried to learn more about us.  Creepy.

As it was explained to us, once a file has been created with everything they could possibly drum out, it was added to a pile of other potential parents who had survived the license process.  Priority is not given to those who have been waiting longest.  There are a couple of social workers who keep up with that pile ‘o’ parents, and who work with the GAL’s and the children’s social workers when they are in need of placement.  

Alright, so this post is getting lengthy.  I’ll stop there and leave you hanging.  Tomorrow I’ll write about that secret meeting deep inside the DFACS office when they decide which parent goes with which child.  

Here’s a parting gift:

Near, far, wherever you are

I believe that the heart does go on

Once more you open the door

And you’re here in my heart

And my heart will go on and on

I know.  I really am an evil little bugger. 

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