Forever Family

Hope everyone’s weekend is treating them well!!!

While I do not condone television viewing (I’m pretty convinced that TV…and especially the cable company…are hellion devil spawn) there is a special on tonight I wanted to promote.

Maybe I should check for a product affiliate link for this…at least then I could get paid for promoting a reason to park our butts on a couch for 2 hours.  

Nah…that takes too long, and I’m not in the mood.  This is what happens when I haven’t seen the sun for 3 days.  I get cranky.  It’s rather unpleasant.

Anyway, there is a movie on Lifetime tonight called America.  Click here to link for more info.

It’s a movie about a teenage boy who has been in foster care since he was an infant and is about to age out of the system.  It stars Rosie O’Donnell as his therapist, and is based on the book by E.R. Frank.

I’m intrigued, so I’ll be recording it.  It might be a few days before I get around to watching it, but look for a future topic to be a review of this movie.

As Rosie is also an adoptive mother, I’m really hoping they have an overall positive message and great need of these kids.  

Wouldn’t it be nice to have a movie do for foster kids what 101 Dalmatians did for Dalmatians, or Men In Black did for pugs?  One can dream… 

Whew!  I have been so busy lately!!!!  Thank heavens tomorrow is Friday, because a rest is needed.  Oh but wait.  I can’t rest on the weekend.  I have guests coming into town next week and a LONG LONG LONG list of things that need to get done.

I do have good news to share.  Work has been nuts.  If you know me and what I do, you would know that is symbolic, because the industry I work in has been HURTING BAD.  I was preparing one of my monthly reports and doing some analysis, and while things are certainly not as good as they were, there is some improvement.  Let’s just say that for the first time in months, our supply isn’t keeping up with demand.  We haven’t been this busy in a long, long time.

I am using the word long a lot today. It’s been a long day.  I have no other way to describe it but long.

While I am no economist, I wonder if maybe things have bottomed out and we might start our pendulum swing the other direction.  Financially, I certainly hope so.  We’ve been weathering, but I worry all the time about what happens to me or my hubby’s jobs if things get worse.

We’ll see how March plays out.  Q2 projections are still way down, but it’s so hard to predict any more.  People aren’t buying our supply till the last minute, and our historical information is pretty much useless.

That’s enough about work.

I don’t have the energy to change any minds today, so I’m going to combine the relaxation technique I am currently employing with my blog topic for the day.

If you’ve been following my blog, you know I’m a big music nut.  Huge.  I would die without it.  If I had to pick blindness or deafness, blindness would win hands down.  I don’t even need to think about it.  Take my eyes, just leave me my ears.

I previously posted about some of the fun songs Kiddo and I listen to during playtime and in our car ride home.   We’ve added a few to the list, but our favorites are still intact.  Here’s a funny story…Kiddo loves the Superman theme.  You know, the one from the Christopher Reeves movies.  He puts his arms up in the air likes he’s flying and runs around yelling “SUPERMAN!”  It’s very cute.

Anyhoo, Kiddo and I like to dance together.  We have a completely different mix for that.  The type and tempo varies, because sometimes we like to shake-a-booty, and sometimes we like to swing around the room with him in my arms.  

I have an iMix created for this list on iTunes, which I will include in the post if iTunes ever feels like working again.  My patience is nil, so I’ll just post it the old fashioned way.  Hopefully you’ve heard of these songs.

1.)  Africa, by Toto

2.)  Into the Mystic, by Van Morrison (I LOVE this song)

3.)  Big and Chunky, by will.i.am

4.)  If You Want Me to Stay, by Sly and the Family Stone 

5.)  Walk This Way, by Run DMC

6.)  Sweet Pea, by Amos Lee

7.)  Beyond the Sea, recorded by Kevin Spacey  (he has a GREAT voice)

8.)  Express Yourself, by Charles Wright & the Watts 103rd Street Rhythm Band, remixed by Mocean Worker

9.)  Stop the Rock, by Apollo Four Forty

10.)  Jump In the Line, by Harry Belafonte

11.)  I Like to Move It, by will.i.am

12.)  Thayya Thayya, by Sukhwinder Singh

13.)  Beautiful, by Moby

14.)  Mondo Bongo, by Joe Strummer and the Mescaleros

15.)  Feeling Good, by Nina Simone

16.)  I’m a Man, by Black Strobe

17.)  J’ai Deux Amours, by Madeleine Peyroux

18.)  Beware of the Boys, by Panjabi MC

19.)  To Be A Lover, by Billy Idol

20.)  New Shoes, by Paolo Nutini

21.)  All Night Long, by Lionel Richie

22.)  The Time Warp, from the Rocky Horror Picture Show

23.)  Cha Cha Slide, by Mr. C

24.)  Keep It Loose, Keep It Tight, by Amos Lee

25.)  Shake Ya Boogie, by Mocean Worker

26.)  Istanbul (Not Constantinople), but They Might Be Giants

27.)  The Traveling Song, by will.i.am

28.)  Trouble, by Ray LaMontagne (one of my current favorite artists)

29.)  Wooly Bully, by Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs

30.)  Battle Without Honor or Humanity, by Electric Samuri

31.)  Panini Puakea, by IZ (Israel with the impossibly long last name)

32.)  Nothing But Flowers, by The Talking Heads

33.)  Hold You In My Arms, by Ray LaMontagne

34.)  Space Oddity, by David Bowie

35.)  Take the Long Way Home, by Supertramp

36.)  Goodbye Stranger, by Supertramp

Good stuff eh?  May it give you a few suggestions for some happy family dancing time in your home!

Have I built up enough anticipation? 

Did I leave you hanging long enough?

Are you thinking that adoption is too expensive and too risky for your family?  

Think again.  

I laid out the gist of what most people think of when they think adoption.  I won’t rehash the details…you can check out my previous post to learn more.  

I want to spend a little time clarifying some misunderstandings about what it means to be a foster parent, and adopting a child from the foster care system.

First of all, the definition of a foster parent is broad.  For pretty much any adoption with DFACS, you have to become a licensed foster parent first.  The process for this is really no different than preparing your dossier for a foreign or domestic adoption.  You take classes, you do a home study, and you undergo background checks.  

Being a licensed foster parent DOES NOT mean you are a foster home with a revolving door of kids.  I think that term scares people off, and with good reason.  It takes a very special kind of person in a very special kind of situation to be a foster parent temporarily taking care of kids between homes.  I have no judgment against people not feeling able to be a foster parent in a foster home.  

But don’t let the term foster parent scare you.  I was a foster parent, and I had one child, and our intention from day one was to adopt him.  

The other fear I hear about when discussing foster-to-adopt is the potential of losing the child.

It’s a legitimate fear.  It happens.  I spent nearly 6 months terrified of my phone because I was paranoid that the next phone call would be the call that said they were taking back my son.  It’s not easy.

But think about other forms of adoption.  Remember the waiting period I mentioned in my previous post?  Imagine the good news when you’ve been selected by a birth family to adopt their child.  You have a baby shower and you decorate your nursery.  You go through a baby book and pick out potential names.  Imagine being in the delivery room when the birthmom delivers the baby.  Imagine holding that baby, feeding, loving it, and even taking it home.  Then imagine getting that call that birthmom has changed her mind within her window, and you have to give that baby back.  Is that any different?

Let’s examine a foreign adoption.  Sure, once you get that child into our country, it’s a done deal.  But what about that process of getting that child into the country?  You get a call from the adoption agency to notify you that you’ve been matched with a child.  They send you pictures and maybe even a video of the kid.  Perhaps you’re even able to interact with the child via web camera.  You also go through the process of decorating the nursery, having a baby shower, and falling in love with pictures and even the notion of your soon to be child.  Then the phone rings again, and it’s the adoption agency apologizing for a “wrinkle,” or the government of the other country changes its rules, or any one of a hundred other problems pops up and you’re not able to go get your kid.  How is that any different?

I suppose this is why many people opt for fertility treatments rather than adopting.  But fertility treatments are no sure thing.  Do you think it is any easier going through IVF, only to have none of the embryos take?  Or having a miscarriage?  Is the devastation any different here?

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again.  Life is messy.  There are no guarantees when it comes to having kids.  Period.  ANY number of things can happen, but you adapt and accept, and you move forward.  If we spent too much time obsessing over the negatives, we would never progress.  If we were afraid to take the plunge because of the possibility of a bad outcome, then we would never get out of bed each day.

While there are never any guarantees, you can specify how much legal risk you are looking to take.  If you desire to adopt an infant, and are willing to take some amount of risk that the child placed with you might end up back in the care of a biological family member, you’ll probably be matched with a child almost as soon as you complete your license. 

If you want less risk, you’ll have to wait longer, but that does not mean that there is not a child out there for you.  

You can adopt from DFACS with no risk if you adopt a child that has already been legally freed.  These kids are usually a little older, or may have special needs.  

There you go…two common fears about adopting from foster care…debunked.  So now what’s your hold up?

• Placement after completing your license process can be almost immediate.  There can be very little waiting period.
• You can be matched with an infant…even a newborn.  Many people we knew in this process were picking up their newborns directly from the hospital.
• You want another child, but the thought of diapers, no sleep, terrible two’s, potty training, and other such things is too much for you to handle.  You can adopt an older child, at any age between 0 to 18.
• You have been turned down for not qualifying with a private agency.  You don’t have the perfect house, maybe had a mar in your credit history, or a fairly benign criminal record they chose not to overlook.  Chances are DFACS will still welcome you to the ranks of foster parenting with open arms.
• You want a child, but don’t have thousands of dollars.  You can adopt from DFACS, and usually it will only cost you court filing fees.  In our case, this was about $160.
  
• You are prepared to adopt a child with special needs or a sibling group, but are wary of the expenses involved.  You can adopt a child from DFACS, get free Medicaid coverage on those children until they are 18, and negotiate a monthly stipend to cover any other expenses needed to maintain a lifestyle for those kids.
• This all sounds great, but you want a healthy child.  Many of the children in the child welfare system are healthy, with no more issues than any other children.  Even if they have some diagnosed disorders like ADHD (and I happen to know MANY children living with bio families that also have ADHD), you still have that Medicaid coverage to help with therapy or treatment.
• You have access to a wealth of support groups, social workers, and other such resources to help you through the parenting process.  I’m relatively sure that there are many typical bio families out there who would love some of that.

And the absolute best reason of all is that you get the privilege of bringing a wonderful child into your home.  As much as I go on about that the motivation for adopting should be solely for the benefit of the child and not for your own glory, I can’t deny that it doesn’t feel really good to know that you’ve made a difference for that child.     

I took a well deserved break from posting yesterday.  It was hard enough to keep up with my E card drops and checking in on blogs I regularly read, I just ran out of time to write my own.

Is ok.  I’m really satisfied with everything I accomplished this weekend (see my previous post about being a domestic goddess!).   I got my craft room unpacked and organized, more pictures hung, a couple of sewing projects finally finished, laundry done, and I even found time to shave my legs.  Wait…that would probably fall into the T.M.I. category.

Kiddo was very helpful with helping me do it all…except for shaving my legs.  I handled that one on my own.  

Now that I’m back to my normal Monday routine, I want to write a post to clarify the difference between a domestic adoption and adopting from foster care.

I’ve gotten some really great comments from people (thanks for those, and keep ‘em coming!) that would suggest that there is some confusion out there.  

In a domestic adoption, you usually work with an adoption agency (such as Catholic Charities or Angel Adoptions ).  I’ve noticed a couple listed in the Google ads for my site.

This great logo is from an agency in Kansas called Adoption & Beyond.

When I think of domestic adoption, I think of the Friends episodes when Monica and Chandler are going through the process to adopt a baby.  They went through interviews, physicals, applications, and home studies to prepare a dossier about themselves.  While slightly abbreviated to make it friendly for a 30 minute sitcom, this is pretty much the way it works.

In most cases of domestic adoption, birthmothers contact the agency while they are still pregnant.  Some are nearly full term, while others are still early, but in most of these cases the mothers have decided to “give up” (I really hate that term) their child.  The reasons are various, and I’m sure you can imagine a few.  

The agency then works with the birth family to identify an adoptive family for the baby.  Usually the birth family is provided with the completed dossiers of parents waiting to adopt, and the birth family starts whittling the list down.  

Once an adoptive family is selected, usually there is some contact between the birth family and the adoptive family.  This is becoming more prevalent as open adoptions** become more popular.

**an open adoption means that some contact remains between the birth family and the adoptive family, even after the adoption is finalized.  Usually this is just pictures and the occasional letter, but is some cases personal visits are even done.  This is completely dependent about what kind of agreement is reached between the birth and adoptive families.

Often, the adoptive family will be invited to be nearby for the delivery of the baby, and in some cases, even allowed in the delivery room.  Again, this is completely dependent on the what is agreed upon between the families.

This is where it gets a little hairy.  Depending on the laws of the state, the birth family usually has time after the delivery of the child to change their mind.  For an adoptive parent, waiting on pins and needles does not even begin to describe the agony of anticipation waiting for that window of time to pass.  I’ve heard it can be as short as 24 hours and as long as 72 hours (possibly more).

If you’re shopping for an adoption agency, make sure you get all the details about how they handle this window.  Some agencies REQUIRE the birthmother to have contact with the child after it is born.  The thought behind this is that it makes sure the birthmom has closure, and she is absolutely certain she is prepared to give up the child.  This is often when birthmom has second thoughts, and adoptions fail to go through.

This is where the adoption horror stories are born.

The really good news for the adoptive family is that once that window of time has passed and the birth family still agrees to the adoption, it is VERY difficult to retract the adoption.  A birthmom can’t change her mind 6 months down the road and show up at your door.  

There are very rare exceptions to this, and the only ones I have heard of have involved the paternity of the child.  Even if the birthfather isn’t in the picture of the birthmom, you need to get them to agree to the adoption.  If they don’t sign the adoption petition, that could cause problems later on.  Also, if the identity of the birthfather is in question, this might cause some trouble.  Things could get a little foggy legally if the paternity of the child turns out to be someone other than the one who signed the petition.

The list for adoptive parents waiting to adopt through some of these agencies can be long, and sometimes will take 2 years or more for the adoptive parents to be selected by a birth family.  It also costs money…and usually a lot of it.  I have a friend who was working with Catholic Charities, and it was going to cost roughly $15,000.  Frankly, that’s one of the cheaper totals I have heard of.  Some agencies will expect you to cover medical expenses for the mother, or even to pay for a stipend for the birthmother for the last few weeks of her pregnancy.  It doesn’t take long to start wracking up thousands of dollars in expenses.

Another thing to remember is that many (not all) of these agencies are religious organizations.  

Yikes…I’m kinda afraid to go there cause now y’all are gonna think I’m some kind of Godless heathen.  

Trust me when I say that’s not true.  We have plenty of religious spirit, but we struggle with some of the fundamentals of many religious organizations.  I could do a whole post on that, but I won’t.  Let’s just leave it at that.

Some will work with you even if you’re not a follower of that organization or church, but some will not.

Many of these agencies are very selective about the adoptive parents they choose to work with.  Let’s face it…many are private, there a lot of desperate adoptive parents out there, and these agencies can’t handle the potential caseload if they worked with everyone.  Many of them turn people away if you don’t qualify.

Qualification standards might include religion; but also income, your type of home, the size of the family you already have, criminal records, credit rating, etc.

This post is getting long and I can just hear some attention spans clicking off, so I’ll keep you hanging and lay out the logistics of a foster adoption tomorrow.  

Let me just leave you with this cliff hanger titillating suggestion…

You can adopt from foster care for free.  Yup, I said free.  Zip.  Zero.  Nada.

In some cases, they will even pay YOU.

to be continued…………………….. 

I’m taking a break from my mission today.  I mean, even Gandhi needed a rest, right?  Not that I’m Gandhi.  But you get the idea.

It’s Saturday, after all.  

First, I wanted to take a moment to thank all of you who are taking the time to read and comment on my blog.  You have no idea how much that means to me.  I still stick by my goal.  If I can even get one person to think a little more about the plight of kids in our foster care system, I will sleep better at night.  

So being that it’s the weekend and all, I’ve been busy trying to do all the things I want/need to get done, and just can’t accomplish during the week.  This includes the standards, like cooking and cleaning and more loads of laundry than I care to think about, but I’m also working to get settled into our new house.

Well, when I say new house, its not all that new.  We moved into it over 6 months ago.  Yes, I still have boxes laying around.  TIME!!!!  I NEED MORE TIME!!!!!

I’ve been painting and decorating one room at a time.  I started in our living room, went on to the dining room, did some work in the kitchen, then our foyer, and now I’ve moved on to Kiddo’s room.

Kiddo digs outer space.  I think that’s a great theme for a bedroom, because it’s conducive to night time activities like sleeping, and gives me an excuse to do some cool things with glow-in-the-dark.  I also think outer space is a little more long term.  I don’t want to have to redo his room every couple of years because he’s grown out of it.  

I feel pretty good about my interior decorating skills.  I’m not thinking a career change or anything, but I enjoy the creative outlet it provides me.  Most of my decorating education came from watching HGTV, so its certainly not as good as a pro, but I’m feeling pretty good about my domestic goddess status today.

This is the end result.  It took 2 nights of very late night painting, an afternoon of decal application, and little time arranging and hanging pictures, but Kiddo loves it.  For a special touch, I added some glow-in-the-dark paint to the wallpaper decals to light them when darkness falls.

The bed and rugs are courtesy of Ikea.

This is a view towards the other corner.  The hanging organizer and moon light are also from Ikea.  Love that store.

And this is looking back towards the window.  With such dark walls, I opted for just a plain and simple white sheer. 

But I wanted to give it a special touch.  I used some glow-in-the-dark fabric paint to stamp some star, planets, moons, and comets.  Of course it looks awesome in the dark, but in the light it has a cool burnout pattern to it.

I’m just glad to check a couple of other things off my mile long list.  Hopefully tomorrow I’ll get to spend a little time organizing my craft room.  Not that I’ve had much time to do my scrapbooking lately, but I’ll feel really good to at least have my space looking nice.

Maybe…just maybe…Kiddo will actually want to go to bed in here, instead of fighting us every night.  I am gonna wish upon a star that it might be so.

I hope you guys got to take a look at some of the kids on the AdoptUSKids.org site I mentioned yesterday. 

When we were going through the process of deciding to adopt or not to adopt, we spent a lot of time on this site.  Frankly, I felt a little dirty doing it.  I felt like we were shopping for kids.

Did you ever see that movie Cry Baby with Johnny Depp?  There’s a scene in that movie where Ricki Lake goes to the orphanage to get her kids back.  When they walk in there, the kids are placed behind glass and set up in disgustingly fake domestic situations.

Look, this one cooks!

Adopt me!  I’ll vacuum your floor!

In the movie, it’s kinda funny and meant to be mocking of the whole child welfare system.  But I couldn’t help feeling like this site was kind of like the orphanage in that movie.  The problem is, I don’t know what else they should do.

You’ll actually see things mentioned in the blurbs about these kids that hearken to things I make fun of above.  One might say, “this girl is great about helping out around the house,” or “this boy enjoys mowing the yard.” 

It almost feels like a slave auction, but this is what gets results.

When my hubby and I were thinking about adopting, we found a little girl on this site.  She was 3 years old, and had the sweetest and most angelic face.  Her blurb was typical 3 year old stuff, till the last paragraph.

She had been diagnosed with autism.  According to the blurb, she was withdrawn and had developed an unusually strong attachment to a toy.

Before I launch into my rant, let me just say that I think it’s great that disorders like autism have been more in our attention lately, because attention is what it takes to find treatment.  It can been a huge relief to find out what is “wrong” so that you can work to make it right.  

I’m relatively sure that had autism been a disorder more familiar to us back when I was a kid, I would have been diagnosed with mild symptoms myself.

But with kids in foster care, they do not have an advocate.  Typically they are part of large caseload being handled by busy people.  Even in the best situations, we know we have to be careful about our medical treatment.  It’s a difficult process to diagnose someone with a disorder or disease, and so often do symptoms of one mimic another.  

Autism is a fairly common diagnosis with foster kids.  Look at this little girl.  She is a perfect example.  She’s 3 years old, has been separated from her family, and has been in several different foster homes.  She gets some visits with her siblings, but not many.  Is she going to be withdrawn?  Of course she is!  

What has been the one constant in her life?  It has always been there, no matter where she’s slept or who she’s with.  Her toy bear.  Does it not seem natural that she would develop an unusual bond with her teddy bear?  What else is she supposed to bond with?

Of course we didn’t have the full details of her case, but this poor little girl’s story made us so angry.  It absolutely broke our hearts.  She had been through so much already, and now she’s been labeled as a difficult child because of her autism diagnosis.  We couldn’t help but wonder if someone gave her a little love, what her life might be like.  

This little girl is the reason we decided to adopt from foster care.  We may not have been able to help her, but we might be able to help another.

There is no reward greater than seeing that child thrive.

I spent some time on there yesterday looking for that little girl.  I hope it is good news that I did not find her.  Hopefully she got her forever family, and is living a good life with a loving bunch.  

My message in this post is not to let the fear of medical issues scare you.  Of course they are going to have problems, and who wouldn’t in their situation??  But if you’re willing to to give them a chance, demonstrate that you’re a loving and trustworthy parent, and simply provide them the stability of a good home, I think you’ll see improvements in some of their earlier issues.  Who knows?  With you as an advocate, you might even find that they were misdiagnosed to begin with!

My goal today is to make you cry.

After all, I’m a full service blog.  Laughter, anger, and tears.  I got it all.

Go ahead, get your tissue.  It’s good to be prepared for these things.

I find it somewhat disturbing that our nation spends massive amounts of money each year rescuing pets.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we shouldn’t.  But I think it’s somewhat ironic that it’s “hip” to adopt a stray from your local humane society, but the same doesn’t hold true for kids.  Watch cable TV for more than 15 minutes, and you’re likely to see an extremely sappy commercial air for some animal rights group asking for money and your support.  The Sarah MacLachlan ones are my favorite.  They’re even 2 minutes long, so I get to feel downright crappy about my lack of assistance for an extra long time, while video of extremely sad looking animals is paraded before me for my entertainment.

**For the record (and to save PETA from throwing red paint my direction), I do have rescue animals in my home.  We’ve always done the rescue thing when we’re in the market for a new pet.

There are whole channels on cable practically devoted to helping raise awareness about animal abuse and neglect.  

Aside from Wednesday’s Child, kids in our child welfare system don’t get a lot of publicity.  Doesn’t that seem a little odd to you?

If you’re reading this, I’m going to make an assumption about you.  I’m going to assume you’re pretty internet savvy.  You use it regularly, especially when you’re searching for something.

Therefore, if you’ve ever decided to acquire a pet, I’m guessing you probably did some surfing of the ‘net to find that perfect pet.  You visited the site for your local SPCA chapter, or Humane Society, or perhaps even private or breed specific rescue groups.

The reason most people go looking at these sites when it’s time to adopt a pet is because they can search a real time inventory of the pets available at that shelter.  Most shelters will post a photo of the pet, along with basic stats, and maybe even a short blurb about the animal itself.  Maybe something cute about its personality, like gets long well with other dogs or enjoys long walks in the park.  

They probably look a little something like this:

Buster, coon hound mix, neutered male, 1 year old.  Great with kids, lots of energy, fenced yard required.

Doesn’t he look cute.  This tugs at our heartstrings, and increases foot traffic at the shelter.  That’s the goal, otherwise animals start getting euthanized.  No one wants that.

Now, go to this site.  AdoptUSKids.org

Click on Meet the Children to launch the child search engine.  Put in some parameters if you like, then hit search.

You are going to get a list of pictures, each itemized with some important stats.  Age, gender, race, location…look familiar?

Now click on the details for some of these kids.

Here’s a child looking for a family that will give lots of hugs.

Here’s another that needs a patient and understanding family willing to make a firm commitment.

This one just wants a home cooked meal.

Here’s an adorable little boy and “due to a chaotic past, he has difficulty developing healthy attachments and bonding relationships,” but “with individualized attention and redirection, he is making progress and hopes to be a fireman someday.“ 

The list goes on.  And on.  And on.

When I read this list, I see simple needs that so many of us take for granted in our families.  This one just needs structure, and that one just needs consistency.  This one enjoys family meals with macaroni and cheese, and that one just wants someone to play Legos with him.

These are things that come as second nature to most families.  Of course you hug your kids, or talk to them when they need support.  You don’t think twice about it.  You love them and would do anything for them.  It’s the foundation that your entire family is built upon.

These kids don’t have that.  If they’re lucky, they’re in a good foster home and have a suitable fill in, but the kids on this list are not going back to their bio parents.  These kids are legally freed for adoption.  They know their foster parents, no matter how good their intentions, are temporary.  They long for that security knowing they have parents who will love them always and unconditionally.

What happens to these kids when this doesn’t tug at our heart strings?  What if there is no foot traffic for these kids?

What really wrenches my gut is that this list is just a very small sampling of the kids currently in our nation’s child welfare system.  This list is sort of the last resort for these kids…many of them have been deemed “un-adoptable” and this is a marketing technique utilized to try to drum up a forever family for these kids.  Whether they have medical issues, are a part of sibling group, or have just aged past the point that most people consider cute (and I felt ugly just typing that), this is the kids’ last best hope.  They don’t get sappy TV commercials or a celebrity sponsor.  Not that I’m sure an advertisement is appropriate for kids… 

I don’t know what the answer is to get attention for these kids.  It’s too bad it comes to something like this site, because I don’t think it conveys the depth and love these kids have to offer.  I don’t know what else they can do, if people aren’t willing to care.

I wish people were as passionate about saving our children as they are about saving the animals.  Something tells me that maybe the world would be just a little bit better if that were the case.  I know it certainly would be for these kids…and that should be reward enough.  

I’ve been doing a lot of preaching, ranting, and opinionating lately.  I know what you’re thinking…blah blah blah. 

Today I thought I would make a confession.

I think I’m raising a flasher. 

What’s this, you say?  The one who claims to know everything and is so busy being morally superior to the rest of us… is raising a future streaker?  For shame!

**I don’t really think these things, but as I have reread some of my posts, it sure sounds like I talk that way.  What can I say???  I’m passionate!

Yes, I’m afraid it’s true.  However, I won’t take full responsibility for my son’s new found desire to show his hiney to anyone with eyeballs.  I blame his girlfriend.

Yes, my son has a girlfriend.  He’s a regular ladies man.  He’s pretty much the cutest little boy ever, and I say that as a matter of fact.  Everyone who has seen him agrees.  I mean just look at those eyes!  Can you blame the girls for swooning at the sight of him?

For a while, there was a little toddler love triangle going on with the aforementioned girl, my son, and another little boy in his class.  My son seems to have won her heart.

Now this little girl is destined to be a stripper.  She likes to work it.  I’m not sure who’s teaching her this stuff, but I’m sure it’s meant to be innocent and funny.  It’s really cute to see a little 2 year old blond girl sashay in a belly shirt and shake her booty, but I’m pretty sure that will backfire eventually.  But who am I to judge.

Anyway, she’s the one I credit with teaching my son this new little trick.  He certainly didn’t learn it from me.

Whenever he’s sure he has an audience, Kiddo stands up with a huge grin on his face.  If you’re a parent, you know this grin.  The cat just swallowed the bird.

He raises his eyebrows a few times.  Ok I admit…we taught him the eyebrow trick.

He turns and looks back coyly over his shoulder.  He places a hand on his hip, one finger tucked in his pants, almost absently.  You would never guess he placed it there on purpose.

He bats his eyes, works the eyebrows a couple more times and says:

“Would you like to see my tooshie?”

Almost instantly, his strategically placed hand has tugged down one side of his pants and pull-ups.  In a flash, his other hand follows with the other side, and his audience is treated to a full baby moon. 

Being the good parents we are, always on the lookout for behavior we need to avoid and lessons to be taught, what do we do?  We laugh.  We weren’t thinking.  We were just startled, and we couldn’t help ourselves!  It just sorta burst out.

My hubby and I looked at each other, and we realized simultaneously the monster we just created.  We tried to backpedal quickly.  “No no, kiddo.  We don’t want to show people your tooshie.”

Yeeeaaahhh…that didn’t work.  He recognized our backpedal efforts.  He now knows what he has discovered and the power he now has.

So if you see an adorable little 2 year old and even stop to smile, beware.  That’s all the opener my kiddo needs to bare a cheek or two, and likely not the one you’re expecting.  I apologize in advance.  What’s a momma to do.

This has actually been kind of a fun topic for me.  I have enjoyed doing a little research to come up with a list of some famous adoptees.  There have been some very pleasant surprises in my digging.

To be honest, there hasn’t even been that much digging.  Fortunately there is a wealth of information on the internet, and people who have already asked the question, “are they adopted?”

So to wrap up my 3 part series on famous adoptees, I thought I would list some famous entertainers who were either fostered or adopted by someone other than their birth parents.  

I’m hoping that for other adoptees and adoptive parents, this might encourage you to look to these people as role models.  

I thought I would break this list out into 3 parts…literary geniuses, actors and entertainers of the screen, and musicians.  I think I can classify everyone I have into those categories.

I want to give credit to a man I have idolized for some time.  To be honest, I had no idea that he was fostered.  JRR Tolkien is one of my favorite authors.  His father died when he was 3 years old, and his mother when he was about 12.  He was fostered by a Catholic priest.  

If you’ve never had the pleasure to read any of JRR Tolkien’s work, I strongly encourage you to give it a go.  He created an entire world!!  It’s not just about crafting a story…he gave his characters language and history; complex layers upon layers until you feel that it’s real.  In a way, I suppose it is.  

Do not read the Lord of the Rings trilogy first.  That actually takes place much much later than some of his other stories.  I would recommend first reading The Silmarillion, followed by Children of Hurin (both of which were compiled and edited by his son).  Then read The Hobbit, and only then read LOTR.  That should keep you busy for a while.   

I digress.  Here’s the rest of the literary wonders I found.

Breakfast at Tiffany’s?  Truman Capote.

He wrote The Heart of Darkness, which I believe is required reading for most students…Joseph Conrad.

How about a screenwriter…Antwone Fisher.

Their Eyes Were Watching God…Zora Neale Hurston.

Feeling creepy…Edgar Allen Poe.

Have you tried to read War and Peace?…Leo Tolstoy.

There are some impressive musicians on this list, including:

Sarah MacLachlan

John Lennon

Louis Armstrong

Eric Claption

Ella Fitzgerald

Faith Hill

James Brown

Deborah Harry

Earth Kitt

As for the influence of the TV and movies, the list includes:

A dashing James Bond…Pierce Brosnan

Richard Burton

James Dean

Ingrid Bergman

Charlie Chaplin

Sam Goldwyn

Michael Bay

Marilyn Monroe

Ray Liotta

Jack Nicholson (and this story is fit for movies.  He was raised by his grandparents, but he thought they were his parents.  He thought his mother was his sister.  The story was discovered by Time Magazine when they were writing a story about him.  Till then, he had no idea.)

And here’s one more for extra credit.  Steve Jobs is adopted.  See, you don’t need a Daddy Warbucks to come save you.  You can be your own Daddy Warbucks.

I remember studying the presidents in school.  Well, I remember that I studied them, but not a lot of what I actually studied.  At one point in my early high school career, I was able to list all of the presidents in order.  I think I won a class contest for that and got extra credit.  Regrettably, my brain is not as sharp as it used to be.  George Washington was our first president, right?  I think I remember that.  

To commemorate President’s Day with something other than a sale, and to continue my quest to remain relevant to the theme of my blog, I thought I would give props to some real life adoptees you may have heard of.  If you haven’t heard of these peeps, then maybe you should have cracked open a history book or two.

There are some pretty remarkable names on this list, all of which had a hand in forming our great nation.  Most were for good; one or two for bad (I live in the South…Sherman is a bad name).  

Some were fostered, others adopted.  Some were raised by family members, others by non-biologically related parents.  They were either given up or orphaned, and some were infants while others were much older.  

The common denominator is that someone other than their bio mothers and fathers raised these kids to adulthood.

Let’s start with Gerald Ford.  I make an exception for him, because he doesn’t fall into the same rules I used with the others on this list.  His birth mom was with him to adulthood, but he was adopted as a baby by his step-dad.  What makes this unique is that he didn’t know that until he was 17 years old.  How did he find out?  His birth dad showed up and introduced himself.  I’m sure that was shocking and a little upsetting for the family.  And yet, he became President of the United States.

Another former President…Andrew Jackson.

Yet another former President…Herbert Hoover.

A president of of the Continental Congress…John Hancock.

Another well known Founding Father…Alexander Hamilton. 

How about a First Lady…Eleanor Roosevelt.

Some famous Civil War leaders…William Sherman, Stonewall Jackson, and David Farragut.

Speaking of Civil War heroes…Frederick Douglass.

A more modern political hero…Nelson Mandela.

Another famous human rights activist…Malcolm X.

A great scientist and stereotype basher…George Washington Carver.

See?  You don’t need superpowers to be a hero.  Some of the people on this list come from very bad childhoods.  There is a lot of abuse, poverty, slavery, and detachment in the history of the people on this list, yet look what they accomplished.  

Just a reminder that we are created by will, and not circumstance.  

Check out this link for a pretty comprehensive list.