Feb 19 2009
What Does It Take To Get Your Attention?
My goal today is to make you cry.
After all, I’m a full service blog. Laughter, anger, and tears. I got it all.
Go ahead, get your tissue. It’s good to be prepared for these things.
I find it somewhat disturbing that our nation spends massive amounts of money each year rescuing pets. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we shouldn’t. But I think it’s somewhat ironic that it’s “hip” to adopt a stray from your local humane society, but the same doesn’t hold true for kids. Watch cable TV for more than 15 minutes, and you’re likely to see an extremely sappy commercial air for some animal rights group asking for money and your support. The Sarah MacLachlan ones are my favorite. They’re even 2 minutes long, so I get to feel downright crappy about my lack of assistance for an extra long time, while video of extremely sad looking animals is paraded before me for my entertainment.
**For the record (and to save PETA from throwing red paint my direction), I do have rescue animals in my home. We’ve always done the rescue thing when we’re in the market for a new pet.
There are whole channels on cable practically devoted to helping raise awareness about animal abuse and neglect.
Aside from Wednesday’s Child, kids in our child welfare system don’t get a lot of publicity. Doesn’t that seem a little odd to you?
If you’re reading this, I’m going to make an assumption about you. I’m going to assume you’re pretty internet savvy. You use it regularly, especially when you’re searching for something.
Therefore, if you’ve ever decided to acquire a pet, I’m guessing you probably did some surfing of the ‘net to find that perfect pet. You visited the site for your local SPCA chapter, or Humane Society, or perhaps even private or breed specific rescue groups.
The reason most people go looking at these sites when it’s time to adopt a pet is because they can search a real time inventory of the pets available at that shelter. Most shelters will post a photo of the pet, along with basic stats, and maybe even a short blurb about the animal itself. Maybe something cute about its personality, like gets long well with other dogs or enjoys long walks in the park.
They probably look a little something like this:
Buster, coon hound mix, neutered male, 1 year old. Great with kids, lots of energy, fenced yard required.
Doesn’t he look cute. This tugs at our heartstrings, and increases foot traffic at the shelter. That’s the goal, otherwise animals start getting euthanized. No one wants that.
Now, go to this site. AdoptUSKids.org
Click on Meet the Children to launch the child search engine. Put in some parameters if you like, then hit search.
You are going to get a list of pictures, each itemized with some important stats. Age, gender, race, location…look familiar?
Now click on the details for some of these kids.
Here’s a child looking for a family that will give lots of hugs.
Here’s another that needs a patient and understanding family willing to make a firm commitment.
This one just wants a home cooked meal.
Here’s an adorable little boy and “due to a chaotic past, he has difficulty developing healthy attachments and bonding relationships,” but “with individualized attention and redirection, he is making progress and hopes to be a fireman someday.“
The list goes on. And on. And on.
When I read this list, I see simple needs that so many of us take for granted in our families. This one just needs structure, and that one just needs consistency. This one enjoys family meals with macaroni and cheese, and that one just wants someone to play Legos with him.
These are things that come as second nature to most families. Of course you hug your kids, or talk to them when they need support. You don’t think twice about it. You love them and would do anything for them. It’s the foundation that your entire family is built upon.
These kids don’t have that. If they’re lucky, they’re in a good foster home and have a suitable fill in, but the kids on this list are not going back to their bio parents. These kids are legally freed for adoption. They know their foster parents, no matter how good their intentions, are temporary. They long for that security knowing they have parents who will love them always and unconditionally.
What happens to these kids when this doesn’t tug at our heart strings? What if there is no foot traffic for these kids?
What really wrenches my gut is that this list is just a very small sampling of the kids currently in our nation’s child welfare system. This list is sort of the last resort for these kids…many of them have been deemed “un-adoptable” and this is a marketing technique utilized to try to drum up a forever family for these kids. Whether they have medical issues, are a part of sibling group, or have just aged past the point that most people consider cute (and I felt ugly just typing that), this is the kids’ last best hope. They don’t get sappy TV commercials or a celebrity sponsor. Not that I’m sure an advertisement is appropriate for kids…
I don’t know what the answer is to get attention for these kids. It’s too bad it comes to something like this site, because I don’t think it conveys the depth and love these kids have to offer. I don’t know what else they can do, if people aren’t willing to care.
I wish people were as passionate about saving our children as they are about saving the animals. Something tells me that maybe the world would be just a little bit better if that were the case. I know it certainly would be for these kids…and that should be reward enough.
You’ve done a great job of highlighting a very important - and sad - issue here
I feel the same way as you when I hear of so many celebrities and other folks rushing to adopt children from other countries because they are so ‘unfortunate’. Yet we have so many kids here completely forgotten about. I understand it’s more expensive and more difficult to adopt a child here but if you are up for taking a child into your home, isn’t it worth the effort?
Don’t get me wrong I think anyone that chooses to adopt a child is a saint. Especially those that choose children with difficult backgrounds. I know that i could not do it-I’m not a good enough person. But if I could, I would adopt children from OUR country and save them.
I just want to point out…
Adopting a child from foster care (or one of these kids legally freed for adoption) is usually free. What costs there might be are minimum at best.
In a previous post, I mentioned our adoption cost us about $160, which I ended up turning in to my employer for reimbursement.
If you adopt a child with special needs, you can usually negotiate a monthly stipend to cover expenses, even after the adoption is finalized.
Private domestic adoptions are typically costly, but there is a difference between those and with kids in the child welfare system. Those private adoptions are usually mediated by a private agency, and the fees largely go to them. Sometimes some money goes to the birth family as well (mostly to cover expenses and medical bills).
My eyes fill up just thinking about these children, unloved and alone. You know of my grandmother’s background. I can’t and don’t understand why so much effort and heartache is expended on protesting abortion clinics and mobilizing against gay marriage (and their ability to adopt), when we could turn that time, effort and money to helping children, taking in someone who would appreciate that attention and dedication.
Good God, wouldn’t it be better to find ways of promoting love in this world, not hate? And, yeah, my animals are ex-strays and rescues, too. But you point out that we have a serious issue with our priorities.
(Also, I’m back)
I worked with a girl who adopted her son from Russia. They wanted to adopt a boy and girl, but only found a boy. She went on to give birth to a daughter a few years later. I asked why she didn’t adopt locally and I remember her fear was the parents deciding at the last minute they changed their minds or coming back into the child’s life years later.
And while working at my local YMCA I met several different foster parents. Some disgusted me and others and were in it for all the wrong reasons. But a few were great. One couple (said they were sisters but we knew differently) took in many troubled kids and adopted many of them as well. Often these were siblings. The one “sister” worked for social services, while the other stayed home and took care of the kids. From what I understand they have a mini farm. My kids were friends with many of these kids as well.
When we first thought about adopting we immediately thought we would do international, as well. We were also afraid of birth parents coming back to haunt us.
However, we researched and found that our fear was unfounded. Not all domestic adoptions become Baby Jessica. There are no guarantees with foreign adoptions, and you are at the mercy of a foreign government. Some of them have become downright hostile to American adoptive parents.
That’s not to say that birth parents don’t change their minds. But there are no guarantees in parenting, period.
I applaud the “sisters.” I think they recognized the situation they had and good for them for trying to share their blessings!
And yeah!!!! Stephanie is back!!! I thought the sun was shining a little brighter today!
I would love to hear more about your grandmother Stephanie, just in case you needed a topic idea for a future blog!
Consider your goal achieved. I shed some tears at this post. Being a mom, it’s heartbreaking to think about other kids just missing out on such basic, necessary stuff as hugs, and warm meals, and commitment.
Ahhhh…nothing warms my heart like making my fellow bloggers cry.
Thanks to you all for reading and taking note of these kids. I’ll sleep with a smile tonight.