Forever Family

Being a parent is H-A-R-D.

Duh, right?

And yes, no need to remind me.  It ain’t gonna get any easier.  Just when I think I’ve got it nailed…when I think I know what I’m doing…when I’m feeling confident about how things are progressing…WHAM!!!  I’m gonna get nailed in a blind spot with something new.

I always said I was up for challenge.  I’m sure the moments when I will want to eat those words will be haunt me to the end of days.

Outwardly, things have been great.  People ask me how I’m doing, and in a chipper voice I respond with “Great!” or “Fantastic” or “Things are swell!”  I have so many blessings to be thankful for.  I have my health, my family, employment, and a roof over my head that I can afford.  I’m living the American Dream, while so many others have stumbled and fallen on it.

I am head over heels in love with my Kiddo.  He’s the best kid.  Ever.  Sure, I’m slightly biased, but pretty much everyone who comes in contact with him agrees.

And yet, I’ve been struggling inwardly with a very simple problem.  Something is missing.

Fortunately, my psychosis is easily diagnosed.  I pretty much know the exact moment that my brain went into a cluster.  I received an email from a very unexpected source.

I hadn’t realized just how much I had packed away into tiny dark recesses of my mind how emotional our adoption journey was, until they all came flooding forward when I saw an email from Kiddo’s old social worker.  I really do think my heart stopped.  She had not included a subject, so my inbox was good enough to point out the lack of subject by stating (No Subject).  Yeah, thanks MSN for the head’s up.

My mind raced through the options.  What could she want?  Are they coming for him? (impossible, but you fear it like some people fear giant man-eating spiders)

It was only a paragraph.  She started sweetly enough.  She thanked me for some pictures I had forwarded along over a year ago, and gave me a brief status report on her promotion.  Two sentences into the email, she dropped the bombshell.  Kiddo’s mom had another baby.  The new caseworker had notified our old worker at the request of the birthmom, because she wanted us to be notified.

That’s all she knew.  We were to email her back if we wanted more info and she would put us in touch with the new worker.

Ok, so my first reaction was relief.  Nothing was wrong.  The paperwork was done and some loophole wasn’t setting us up to be the next Lifetime movie.

But then, my heart starts racing.  Another baby?  I knew it!!  I knew that girl was pregnant again.  But why does she want us to know?????????????

Let’s step back in time for a moment.  If you recall, Hubby and I agreed to meet Kiddo’s birthparents back in our foster parent days, because we were hoping it would help out case.  At one point during our visitations, I had a little tete-a-tete with b-mom.  I told her if she ever needed us again, and if there was another baby and she just wasn’t ready, we would absolutely take it.  She seemed to be relieved and happy to hear that.

Could this be why she was looking for us?

Email’s too slow.  I picked up the phone and called the social worker.

And yeah, I’m gonna do that to ya.  I’m gonna leave you hangin’.  You’ll have to check back for more.

Trackback URI | Comments RSS